Okay, Post Your Best April Fool’s Story
March 31st, 2008, 11:57 PM EDT
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Okay, Post Your Best April Fool's Story
By Cheryl Carroll 01/07/2008 at 3:51 amLOL, EPIPHANY!
How did i miss this thread?
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Okay, Post Your Best April Fool's Story
By Anonymous 03/04/2008 at 2:51 amEPiphany..the above PS should have read..B.Y.O.B.C.
Bring Your Owwn Burning Cross… didnt you get the memo?
My southern brothers we are experiencing a shortage of [stars in bars] southern flags be patient more are on order.
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Okay, Post Your Best April Fool's Story
By Epiphany 02/04/2008 at 6:47 pmEpiphany stop the smearing and lying, it ain’t working!
by Louie The Liberal April 2, 2008 at 12:29 am
Right now as I type I have Imperial Wizard, Ronald Edwards in my apartment right now. He’s sitting right next to me and will be staying for dinner and maybe breakfast as well. He wants to make a statement. Here he is.
Imperial Wizard, Ronald Edwards:
Louie the Liberal I stand by my words. I am endorsing Barack Obama for president. I would also like to apologise for our previous complaints against the African-Americans. It was very naughty and impolite of us to have done so. Please forgive us as we are a very stupid group of people. But as stupid as we are we would never want to propagate such a lie just for the sake of April Fools Day.From this day forward we will no longer wear white sheets as our uniform. From now on we will wear plaid tablecloths to show our support for diversity of color and we will be converting to Judaism and will only speak Hebrew and Yiddish from now on.
May I also add that my host Epiphany is a lovely intelligent woman, fine looking indeed, wholesome and pure and has finally agreed to my invitation of marriage. You are all invited to our wedding which which take place on June 15th at Alan Colmes’ apartment. She will also convert to Judaism so we will have the pleasure of being married by a rabbi.
My deepest apologies to all who are black and Jewish,
Ronny Edwards
Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux KlanPS: BYOB
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Okay, Post Your Best April Fool's Story
By Anonymous 02/04/2008 at 5:47 pmAllen will be selling an autographed shoe that he wore on one of the shows with a note telling you what a CHUMP you are. Keep those e;mails comming and dont eat the yellow snow.
because IM cashing in on you!!!!!!
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Okay, Post Your Best April Fool's Story
By Louie The Liberal 02/04/2008 at 2:20 pmI think Postturtle has an obsession with the word ‘liberal’
LOL
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APRIL FOOL WITH A DIFFERENCE…
Ten years ago, I, a single man, was asked by a woman to raise her baby as my own. I was given about three days notice before he was born on 4/1/98. When I informed my friends around the world that I had a baby they of course, thought it was an April Fool’s joke…… which it was not! My son can hardly sleep tonight with the excitement of turning 10 tomorrow!
April 1st, 2008 at 12:44 am
I’m almost 40 & have been living with my boyfriend for at least 10 years. I got laid off from work a couple of months ago. Folks have ALWAYS asked when/if we’re getting married. I sent an email to my former co-workers with “Wedding Invitation” in the subject line. Inside the email: “Gotcha!” The best part of this April Fools joke… I had sent the email about a month ago! :D Think they’ll fall for it twice?
April 1st, 2008 at 12:49 am
Fred Phelps is actually gay.
April 1st, 2008 at 1:47 am
In the aftermath of the loss of John Kerry in 2004, me and my wife were at odds when it comes to politics.
She is a conservative Republican, while I am a Liberal Democrat. As always she kept bragging on how Bush won and stuff…
and on April 1, 2005, i had planned a great april fools for her.
I bought a Bush/Cheney t-shirt and a bumper sticker for my truck. So she walked into the house after work and I wore my t-shirt of Bush/cheney and i put the bumper sticker of bush/cheney on my truck so that would be the first thing she would see once she got off her car.
As she walked in and said…
“FINALLY, YOU HAVE WALKED INTO THE LIGHT!”
and i said..
“yes i have and i love bush and i want to blow bush right now like hannity does on Foxnews and on his radio show….”
and she just looked at me smiling…
Then i RIPPED MY T-SHIRT WHICH I WAS WEARING and underneath i was wearing a ‘Proud Liberal Democrat’ t-shirt.
As i ripped my bush/cheney t-shirt i yelled..
‘APRIL FOOL!’
Her eyes were wide open as she gasped with anger.
then I yelled at her again screaming..
‘I AINT THAT STUPID TO EVER, EVER, EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR VOTE FOR A HALLIBURTON BUSH/CHENEY INTO OFFICE, MUCH LESS EVEN WEARING A STUPID SHIRT SAYING I SUPPORT THOSE OIL GREEDY SOB’S!’
I then got the pieces of the former bush/cheney t shirt and put it in my wife’s hand.
Then i ran to my truck and RIPPED off the bumper sticker of bush/cheney and i walked to my wife inside the house and in front of her, i ripped the bumper sticker and put it in her hand also.
After i did that, i gave her a kiss on the lips and asked her..
“whats for dinner?”
and she looked at me and said…
“you can have anything you want from McDonalds from the dollar menu but tonight, you ain’t getting me!’
so she walked to the bedroom and locked the door.
So i slept on the couch and i ordered porn on pay-per-view.
But as I jerked off in the living room, i remembered… I SURE SHOWED HER, HUH??
But the irony of the story is, my wife is a conservative Democrat who wants ANY democrat to win and she now hates Republicans, especially Bush.
That is my April Fool’s story. The night i didn’t get any with my wife and i lost $20 in bush t-shirt crap. But i sure showed her!!!!!
oh yea, the porn on pay-per-view cost me like $10 extra on my bill and my wife got mad at me at the end of the month when she saw the cable bill.
:)
April 1st, 2008 at 3:40 am
The Americans With No Abilities Act
Washington, DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
“Roughly 50% of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA). “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Government, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74% of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of Nondiscrimination against the Inept include financial advisors (73%), retail sales (72%), the automotive industry (70%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement “warehouse” stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million “middle-management” positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled. For example, such discriminatory interview questions as, “Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?” will be prohibited under the bill.
“As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her lack of any discernible job skills. “This new law should really help people like me.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA), “As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected Democrats enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of employment in this great nation.”
April 1st, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Alan, you should have posted that you have “seen the light” and are now conservative. That would have been funny… :D
April 1st, 2008 at 6:00 pm
I am going to start a website where All of you can join, for a Fee you can be a premium member. But dont ever Mock on my web or your money will be refunded and you wont be my friend any more ! 98% of the time I am right and the other 2% is when Im mis/taken And Dont tell me about the emporers new clothes! I am sick of hearing that trash.
Together We Can save christmas or I will have to do it
April 1st, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Mr. sardonaguis, are you referring to bill oreilly?
LOL
April 1st, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Ku Klux Klan Endorses Barack Obama
March 31, 2008
by James R. Crowe
KENTUCKY – USA – Imperial Wizard, Ronald Edwards has stated that, “anything is better than Hillary Clinton.”
White Christian Supremacist group the Ku Klux Klan has endorsed Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States of America.
Speaking from his Kentucky office in Dawson Springs, the Imperial Wizard exclaimed that anything or anyone is better than having that “crazy ass bitch” as President.
This is the first time in Klan history that any member of the KKK has ever publicly supported an African American candidate for the presidency.
KKK lodges all over America have been gathering and holding rallies supporting the black presidential candidate.
Grand Turk Cletus Monroe has also been very vocal about the election and has donated thousands of dollars to Obama’s election fund.
“The boy’s gonna do it. My Klan group has donated up to $250,000 to the Obama fund. Anything is better than Hillary Clinton. Hell I’ll even adopt a black kid from Africa before I vote for Hillary.”
“A few years back we were lynching negroes. Now we’re gonna vote for one to be president of the US of motherfu**ing A, damn it! Anyone or anything is better than Hillary Clinton – anything!!”
Placards for Barack Obama have been put up around the Klan’s Headquarters and the KKK have announced a television ad campaign to support the African American candidate.
April 1st, 2008 at 10:35 pm
This is the exact quote from the official Ku Klux Klan website:
“Ku Klux Klan DOES NOT Endorse Barack Obama for President”
http://www.kkk.bz/
=================
Epiphany stop the smearing and lying, it ain’t working!
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:29 am
Err, Louie, it’s the April Fool’s thread.
And, by the way, I just heard that Fox is soon to release a “Alan Colmes Going Postal: Best of the Wild-eyed Rants” CD.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:38 am
And dadgummit, where are those dang LiberalLand tees?
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:39 am
Alan Colmes censors that which compromises his facade of liberal political posturing that he has constructed. Censorship and liberalism are like oil and water, so any liberal who censors is in fact incapable of being a liberal by definition.
Fake.
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:19 am
I think Postturtle has an obsession with the word ‘liberal’
LOL
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Allen will be selling an autographed shoe that he wore on one of the shows with a note telling you what a CHUMP you are. Keep those e;mails comming and dont eat the yellow snow.
because IM cashing in on you!!!!!!
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Epiphany stop the smearing and lying, it ain’t working!
by Louie The Liberal April 2, 2008 at 12:29 am
Right now as I type I have Imperial Wizard, Ronald Edwards in my apartment right now. He’s sitting right next to me and will be staying for dinner and maybe breakfast as well. He wants to make a statement. Here he is.
Imperial Wizard, Ronald Edwards:
Louie the Liberal I stand by my words. I am endorsing Barack Obama for president. I would also like to apologise for our previous complaints against the African-Americans. It was very naughty and impolite of us to have done so. Please forgive us as we are a very stupid group of people. But as stupid as we are we would never want to propagate such a lie just for the sake of April Fools Day.
From this day forward we will no longer wear white sheets as our uniform. From now on we will wear plaid tablecloths to show our support for diversity of color and we will be converting to Judaism and will only speak Hebrew and Yiddish from now on.
May I also add that my host Epiphany is a lovely intelligent woman, fine looking indeed, wholesome and pure and has finally agreed to my invitation of marriage. You are all invited to our wedding which which take place on June 15th at Alan Colmes’ apartment. She will also convert to Judaism so we will have the pleasure of being married by a rabbi.
My deepest apologies to all who are black and Jewish,
Ronny Edwards
Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan
PS: BYOB
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
EPiphany..the above PS should have read..B.Y.O.B.C.
Bring Your Owwn Burning Cross… didnt you get the memo?
My southern brothers we are experiencing a shortage of [stars in bars] southern flags be patient more are on order.
April 3rd, 2008 at 2:51 am
LOL, EPIPHANY!
How did i miss this thread?
July 1st, 2008 at 3:51 am