Your Purple Prose Just Gives You Away
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=GpPR9pN_49s]
From: Ralph
Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2008 3:56 PM
To: Alan
Subject: diarrheaColmes it’s beyond belief the way you interrupt shouting over them
As they try to speak, only one that is crude, rude, ill mannered, a Slime ball. A dirt bag, you belong and would feel at home at the bottom of a Cess-pool that is used by people with extreme diarrheaRalph
From: SHERRY
Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2008 8:35 PM
To: Alan
Subject: you make me angryAlain,
You make me angry sometimes. Sherry
From: Alan
Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2008 10:58 PM
To: Sherry
Subject: RE: you make me angry
I’m terribly terribly sorry that you have to be subjected to my views.
From: Janet
Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2008 8:57 AM
To: Alan
Subject: constructive criticism……You are an idiot, stupid and uneducated. A perfect description of a clown, with the makeup, the one witchy eyebrow that replaces the large red nose. You express exaggerated actions of a coarse, ill-bred person; a boor, you are disgustingly offensive to the Fox guest, you are loathsome, sickening, nauseous, repulsive, revolting, repugnant, abhorrent and detestable. The very sad part in all of this, is that you are using up our fresh air. The person who you married must be a dog of all dogs. Clean-up your act, take some lessons from Hannity, and be accountable for the air you breathe and for God sakes please don’t clutter up the earth with any of your off-springs.
Janet
From: Alan
Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2008 11:40 AM
To: Janet
Subject: RE: constructive criticism……
This is very helpful and constructive. Especially helpful are your educational comments about my wife and your reproductive advice. Thank God there are people like you who can help be grow as a human being.
From: John
Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2008 8:07 AM
To: Alan
Subject: PetsSean said you had a rat for a pet. That wasn’t nice, to rats! In fact,
the rats have you for a pet.Do you know the difference between a Democrat and a catfish? One is a bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
John
Here is my very insulted dog, Banjin, AKA Bonnie
From: Curtis
Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2008 9:45 PM
To: Alan
Subject:Alan
You don’t have any balls of your own – you would follow anything that had a jackass stamped on it’s forehead whether it is a him, her, or it’s!!!!!
Curtis
From: Skip
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 9:20 PM
To: Alan
Subject: Military serviceWhat branch of the service were you in and when? I doubt you ever served this country. You are the most obstonate impolite person I have ever had the misfortune of hearing. Stop butting in with your snide remarks while someone is speaking. Thank God for my mute button
From: Alan
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 10:31 PM
To: Skip
Subject: RE: Military service
Does the right to free speech and the right to offer an opinion differ for those who were not in the military? Do you mind that the Vice President was not in the military or that President Bush didn’t show up for his physical when he was in the National Guard? When pro-war conservatives never served do you question their service?
From: William
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 9:50 PM
To: Alan
Subject: ComplimentsMr. Colmes,
When anyone comes on Hannity and Colmes with any brains at all, they make you sound like a bungling idiot which your are for sure!
William
From: Mark
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 9:55 PM
To: Alan
Subject: Being stupid on national tvAllen,
Here’s a thought; I know you’d give Obama a Wollinsky on national tv given a chance. We all apprciate the fact you and Barack love each other. Swell! But, when you have guests on your show, especially Republicans, when they are given a chance to make a point, do you think you could shut your cake hole long enough for them to do that?
Mark
From: Alan
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 11:00 PM
To: Mark
Subject: RE: Being stupid on national tv
Obama and I are only still getting to know each other. We’re not at the “Wollinsky” stage yet. And, when that happens, we’ll do it in private.
From: Larry
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 10:06 PM
To: Alan
Subject: Hey!Allen,
I would love to be a guest on the show so I could bitch slap you on national TV.
Larry
From: Alan
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 11:02 PM
To: Larry
Subject: RE: Hey!
Larry,
That would show what a real man you are.
From: Chuck
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 10:12 PM
To: Alan
Subject: Get RID of Colmes ! ! !Fox News:
Alan Colmes is not just the ‘liberal view’ of Hannity & Colmes, he is a discourteous and illegal advocate for Democratic candidates. He can’t wait to get ‘his turn’, (”its my turn to talk”, “its my turn to talk”….”) to interview the guest(s). Then he gives HIS VIEWS and walks-all-over any guest that disagrees. His ‘fast talk’ to ‘drown-out’ the guest’s views comes across on TV as a garbled MESS. DUMP HIM for a liberal like Kirstin Powers. The show ratings would SOAR, (and Alan will find his “radio” show going down the toilet along with his TV UNemployment). Chuck
From: WF
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 10:29 PM
To: Alan
Subject: You deserve a raiseAllen,
Go directly into the boss’s office, pound your fists on the desk and DEMAND a raise! Explain to the boss that you appear on Fox News on a daily basis and defend some of he most bizarre, outrageous, undefeatable, and ridiculous points of view imaginable. Then explain that if you’re expected to continue, you want a BIG raise. Tell the boss that you’re simply tired of being exposed as a target for public ridicule
From: Bruce
Sent: Saturday, July 12, 2008 12:18 AM
To: Alan
Subject: Your hair…alan, get a haircut,
1) What the heck is a “Wollinsky”? Had me laughing thinking about what it COULD be…
2) I didn’t know that Alan could be an “illegal advocate” for Democrats by interrupting guests on HIS OWN debating show–which Hannity does more often, by the way. I will admit that Kirstin Powers is way cuter than Alan. The truth hurts, I know.
3) Alan subjects his poor dog to this stuff! Alan, don’t abuse poor Bonnie! Keep him away from political discourse!
July 13th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Is that the TV remote next to the dog? I let my old dog run the remote sometimes, too. All she wants to watch is Animal Planet. Her favorite shows are the ones with “seals”. I don’t understand that since the nearest seal is thousands of miles away.
But, who really understands dogs or women?
“One is a bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.”
That was a lawyer joke the last time I heard it. It played better as a lawyer joke.
Hold your friends close and your enemies closer.
July 13th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Let’s leave the queen of Liberal Land (Bonnie) out of this. Words against her are the same as a declaration of war!
July 13th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
A lot of the commentors have to mention god, can’t you just feel the christain love? If you don’t like to listen to someone, turn the damn channel. I don’t listen to Billy Graham or any TV profit for god.
July 13th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
“your purple prose just gives you away”? i always thought they were singing jibberish. i never had ANY IDEA what the hell they were saying. if i’d had a guess, i could call this a mondegreen (look Alan, I’m learning!)
Okay, the first email is actually really creative.
Janet’s email, subject line “constructive criticism”- doesn’t sound very “constructive” to me. The irony about her insult to Mrs. Crowley is that your wife is actually pretty hot. Even better, she’s smart to boot. I found the reply to her quite funny.
I don’t get the whole “illegal advocate for Democrats” remark.
And what the hell is a ‘Wollinsky’?
July 13th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Frank said~
“…TV profit for god.”
VERY nice play on words, Frank.
‘Mouse~ all this time I’ve been blogging with you, I thought you were a woman. Huh. My bad.
July 13th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
http://www.theonion.com/content/index
hahahahaha
check out the political section…
July 13th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
Alan you should really stop reading this hate mail, it’s gotta be bad for the soul.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:49 am
“I thought you were a woman.”
Well, there goes my masculine self-esteem right out the window!!
:)
July 14th, 2008 at 1:39 am
well, your comments have never indicated one way or the other. it’s often hard to tell, based on screen name alone, what sex the commenter is.
i think i made that assumption bc i used to work with a girl who went by the nickname of mouse. many of your off-beat, cynical, and entertaining comments remind me of her.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:10 am
i haven’t visited THE ONION in a while. they’ve got some funny headlines:
MC CAIN VOWS TO WITHDRAW ALL TROOPS FROM THE U.S.
BILL CLINTON SADLY FOLDS FIRST LADY DRESS BACK INTO BOX
my favorite is the first.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:14 am
Your dog rocks.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Frank,
You would’nt know Christian love if it was in front of you because you don’t listen to God at all. If you can’t give from the heart the Christians would’nt want it anyway you old scrooge.
July 15th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Alan, you do a great job and you know it. Hannity interupts people on TV constantly (and the producers let him) while you do it from time to time on the radio. All these people you write you hate mail just have no lives. I used to waste time sending e-mails to conservative hosts but it’s just not the best use of time. Better to debate back and forth in these settings than just these hit-and-run hate messages from cowards.
Your dog is cute. I want a doggie!
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I suspect that you have never experienced the demands of serving your country in a combat situation. It is only because of the sacrifice of so many that you have the liberty that allows you to place those who protect your rights of expression in harms way. God forbid, at some, those whom you pander and protect, may be your undoimg.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I suspect that you have never experienced the demands of serving your country in a combat situation. It is only because of the sacrifice of so many that you have the liberty that allows you to place those who protect your rights of expression in harms way. God forbid, at some point, those whom you pander and protect, may be your undoimg.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
How is the liberal media to blame for electing Obama when, according to Bill O’Reilly, Fox News has always had 3x the market share of viewers of all majoe “liberal” networks combined? That must mean that Fox News misled all the dumb people who voted for Obama.
November 17th, 2008 at 10:02 pm