Posted by | September 5, 2008 03:24 | Filed under: Top Stories

Here are a few of my immediate reactions to John McCain’s boilerplate speech Wednesday night.  I left out the annoying “USA! USA!” chants.  We already know what country we’re talking about.

 

I’m grateful to the President for leading us in those dark days following the worst attack on American soil in our history, and keeping us safe from another attack many thought was inevitable…

 

You hated this guy beginning in 2000 when his team smeared you in South Carolina.  And this just in: According to the new Bob Woodward book, you said, about Bushco: “Everything is f— spin.”


As always, I’m indebted to my wife, Cindy, and my seven children. The pleasures of family life can seem like a brief holiday from the crowded calendar of our nation’s business.


And the other mother of some of those children sacrificed for you, too.


…a word to Senator Obama and his supporters. We’ll go at it over the next two months. That’s the nature of these contests, and there are big differences between us. But you have my respect and admiration. Despite our differences, much more unites us than divides us. We are fellow Americans, an association that means more to me than any other. We’re dedicated to the proposition that all people are created equal and endowed by our Creator with inalienable rights. No country ever had a greater cause than that. And I wouldn’t be an American worthy of the name if I didn’t honor Senator Obama and his supporters for their achievement.

 

That’s the John McCain I remember.


But let there be no doubt, my friends, we’re going to win this election. And after we’ve won, we’re going to reach out our hand to any willing patriot, make this government start working for you again, and get this country back on the road to prosperity and peace.


So, you’re admitting your party’s administration hasn’t done a very good job on peace and prosperity.


And I’ve found just the right partner to help me shake up Washington, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska…  She’s the mother of five children…


C’mon, John, you know we’re not supposed to talk about her family.

 

She stands up for what’s right…

 

Like the bridge to nowhere and other earmarks?


And let me offer an advance warning to the old, big spending, do nothing, me first, country second Washington crowd: change is coming.

 

Because that’s all you’ll have left in your pocket when McCain continues Bush’s economic policies.


You know, I’ve been called a maverick; someone who marches to the beat of his own drum.


But that was long ago and far away.


I’ve fought to get million dollar checks out of our elections.


And I’ve taken them to help me get the nomination.


I’ve fought lobbyists who stole from Indian tribes.

 

And I’ve hired others to work on my campaign.


Thanks to the leadership of a brilliant general, David Petraeus, and the brave men and women he has the honor to command, that strategy succeeded.


Don’t forgrt that Anbar Awakening.


I fight to restore the pride and principles of our party.


Who took them? Please name names.


We believe in…the rule of law…

 

Even though we have this FISA deal, the Patriot Act, and a war going on that wasn’t declared.


We believe in a government that…works to make sure you have more choices to make for yourself.


Unless you’re a woman with reproductive organs.


I will keep taxes low and cut them where I can. My opponent will raise them.


Careful now, he’ll raise them only on less than 2% of the population.


I will open new markets to our goods and services.


In fact I will be at supermarket openings if I lose.


My health care plan will make it easier for more Americans to find and keep good health care insurance.


What are the details of that plan again?


Government assistance for unemployed workers was designed for the economy of the 1950s. That’s going to change on my watch.


Uh Oh! No unemployment insurance?


Education is the civil rights issue of this century.


Ever hear of gays?


My fellow Americans, when I’m President, we’re going to embark on the most ambitious national project in decades.


Who are you, FDR?


We are going to stop sending $700 billion a year to countries that don’t like us very much.


Like Iraq?


We will drill new wells offshore, and we’ll drill them now.

 

Can’t you at least wait until you’re done with your speech?


Senator Obama thinks we can achieve energy independence without more drilling and without more nuclear power.


Not quite true.  He knows oil companies are drilling, and have leases on land where they will be drilling, and he’s not going to stop them; and he’s fine with nuclear power if you can solve that pesky waste problem.


Russia’s leaders, rich with oil wealth and corrupt with power, have rejected democratic ideals and the obligations of a responsible power. They invaded a small, democratic neighbor…


whose lobbyist is your chief foreign policy advisor.


As President, I will work to establish good relations with Russia so we need not fear a return of the Cold War…


How about starting now by tamping down the rhetoric?

I’m running for President to keep the country I love safe, and prevent other families from risking their loved ones in war as my family has. I will draw on all my experience with the world and its leaders, and all the tools at our disposal – diplomatic, economic, military and the power of our ideals – to build the foundations for a stable and enduring peace.

 

That sounds really good.


We need to change the way government does almost everything: from the way we protect our security to the way we compete in the world economy; from the way we respond to disasters to the way we fuel our transportation network…


Can we start with getting live people to answer phones? I hate being in voice mail menu hell.


The constant partisan rancor that stops us from solving these problems isn’t a cause, it’s a symptom.


Call off those nasty 527’s.


Instead of rejecting good ideas because we didn’t think of them first, let’s use the best ideas from both sides. Instead of fighting over who gets the credit, let’s try sharing it. We’re going to finally start getting things done for the people who are counting on us, and I won’t care who gets the credit.


Okay let’s start with universal health care, gay rights, and protecting a woman’s right to choose.


I fell in love with my country when I was a prisoner in someone else’s. I loved it not just for the many comforts of life here. I loved it for its decency; for its faith in the wisdom, justice and goodness of its people. I loved it because it was not just a place, but an idea, a cause worth fighting for. I was never the same again. I wasn’t my own man anymore. I was my country’s.


Best line of the speech.  But I’d like to think you loved your country even before you were held captive.  Does that mean Michelle Obama gets a pass?


If you find faults with our country, make it a better one. If you’re disappointed with the mistakes of government, join its ranks and work to correct them. Enlist in our Armed Forces. Become a teacher. Enter the ministry.


You can even start by becomming a community organizer.


I’m going to fight for my cause every day as your President. I’m going to fight to make sure every American has every reason to thank God, as I thank Him…


Even atheists.


Fight with me. Fight with me.

 

I’m a lover not a fighter.

 

Stand up to defend our country from its enemies.

Stand up for each other; for beautiful, blessed, bountiful America.

Stand up, stand up, stand up and fight.

 

C’mon you didn’t have to use that rhetorical trick to get a standing ovation now, did, you?

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Copyright 2008 Liberaland
By: Alan

Alan Colmes is the publisher of Liberaland.