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In A Center-Left Country, Republicans Need Our Concern

by William K. Wolfrum

In America, the weekends are for many things – spending time with family, enjoying outdoor activities and sports and just relaxing. It’s also the determined time for Republicans to Concern Troll the brains out of their Democratic opposition.

For those on the outs. let me allow Wise Geek to give an example of concern trolling:

Artful concern trolling involves developing a believable persona as a supporter of a cause who has legitimate concerns. In an example of concern trolling, a group of people might be having a political discussion on a website about a candidate they support. The concern troll would log on and say “I’m concerned that this candidate might not be strong enough to beat the opposition,” or “I’m worried that the candidate’s history in the legislature might be a problem in the election.”

Once a concern troll has sowed dissent or discord, often he or she can sit back and let the other commenters do the rest of the work. When a concern troll has done the job correctly, the discussion will split, factions will emerge, and support for the cause will have eroded. Concern trolling can also be highly distracting, as people band together to oppose the concern troll, rather than discussing serious issues, including valid concerns which should be addressed.

Now with the weekend political talk shows and in opinion articles throughout the week, concern trolling is as common as smudged ink on Sarah Palin’s palm. There are an endless array of examples, from Chris Matthews and crew yesterday discussing why Democrats should stop messing around with immigration laws, to Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell advising Democrats to tread carefully on health care Reform.

There is a very interesting dynamic about concern trolling, however. It tends to only roll right to left. Thus, you get endless conservatives, news pundits and writers advising Democrats that their only hope for survival is to be more conservative like them. And the sad truth is that they aren’t really “concerned” at all. They just want more Republicans elected and their agenda to be put forth. That’s it.

But, just in case you haven’t noticed, Conservatives have had a long and troubling history of being wrong on every issue, every time, always.  It is because of this, I’d like to throw a little concern trolling at Republicans. Because I am truly concerned – This is a nation of only two viable political parties, and one of them is bouncing around like Daffy Duck. That’s just not helping anyone.

Because there’s still time between now and the November elections, I’d like to give Republicans some advice on how to “turn left.”  This is a “Center-Left” nation*, after all.

First-off, there’s the Tea Party. Now at last count, the complete and total number of people involved in the “Tea Party Movement” that won’t just reflexively vote Republican is about 8.  My advice, ignore them completely and call them nut-jobs whenever possible.

It’s far more important to appeal to your base voters. These are people who will badmouth the U.S. in the most vile fashions and then go to whatever patriotic fireworks show is happening anywhere within 20 miles so that they can cry about how GREAT America is. Basically, they are Tea Party people who are too lazy to make signs.

Nonetheless, even the base isn’t going to be too excited to run out to the voter booths on your promise of “We’ll just wait until Obama’s gone then undo everything he did.”

So what I’m saying to Republicans is the same thing my 3rd grade teacher said to me so many years ago – “Do something. Get involved with government. Be a part of the team. Team America!”

Get some “I feel your pain” in your un-alterable swagger. Stop filibustering everything. Get through an entire statement without insulting someone.  Realize that governing by pure ideology is a horrific mistake in a nation where 80 percent don’t share that ideology, or any ideology for that matter.

Oh, and for God’s sakes, get rid of Michael Steele right now. In all seriousness, his out-of-control incompetence has long rendered his race card worthless. And tell the religious right to bite it while you’re at it.

Basically, Republicans, it’s time for a sharp turn to the left. Come rejoin the mainstream, and stop flirting with the dangerous fringe maniacs. Come back to be the party you were known for, one of fiscal responsibility and liberty.  Because right now you’re an unruly party of slogan shouters who seem  interested only in demonizing liberals. And it’s just not working.

It is time for some “Obama Republicans” to make their stand. Come together with Democrats and help make the U.S. better, regardless of ideology. Be an American first, and a Republican second. And ultimately, the Republican Party will bounce back.

And please remember, I only mention these things out of concern.

*No Evidence is ever necessary in making a statement like that.

About William K. Wolfrum

I'm a journalist, columnist, humorist, satirist, Dogist and Husbandist

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