The Secret Plan Of The 1%

by Stuart Shapiro

Michael Lewis, the brilliant author of Moneyball and The Big Short, has stumbled upon a top secret strategy memo circulating among the one percent.  The protests do have them worried:

As our chief quant notes, “No matter how well we do for ourselves, there will always be 99 of them for every one of us.” Disturbingly, his recent polling data reveal that many of us don’t even know who we are: Fully half of all Upper Ones believe themselves to belong to the Lower 99. That any human being can earn more than 344 grand a …

President Obama Pardons Two Turkeys; Eight Others React

by Stuart Shapiro

President Obama pardoned two turkeys from slaughter, taking part in an annual tradition.  The reactions from the GOP presidential field were predictable.

Governor Romney said there was no similarity to the turkey he pardoned when he was governor of Massachusetts.

Governor Perry said he would not pardon turkeys or anyone else if he were president.

Former Speaker Gingrich expressed hope that the turkey could work as a school janitor.

Rep. Paul said the turkey was illegally detained and a pardon should not have been necessary.

Rep. Bachmann hoped that the turkey was waterboarded prior to the pardon …

The Bachmanns Explain Marriage

TheSecondCityNetwork (via C&L)

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The Real Republican Budget Plan (Satire)

By Yashwanth Manjunath

The Paul Ryan budget plan passed recently by House Republicans has received a great deal of attention over the past few weeks for its radical transformation of the American social compact. Under Ryan’s plan, Medicare would be turned into a voucher program for private health insurance, and Medicaid would be turned into a block grant program. The trillions of dollars in savings from those benefit cuts would be used to cut taxes dramatically for the rich and corporations. Needless to say, the plan has turned out to be very unpopular.

However, it turns out …

Christine O’Donnell’s Lust For Victory Pays Off!

by Thomas Wellborn

A celebratory Christine O’Donnell stroked her supporters with praise on the night of her climactic win in Delaware’s Republican Senate primary, satisfying her lust for victory.  This leaves no doubt that she has her finger pressed firmly on the pulse of her many supporters’ desires.

At the same time, Republican Party leaders were visibly shaking their heads as tight control of the Senate was slipping out of their once firm grasp – Therein lay the rub, so it seems.

Speaking on Fox News on Tuesday night, Karl Rove said the political newcomer doesn’t “evince the characteristics of …

The Liberal Conspiracy To Help Radical Islam Take Over America

By Yashwanth Manjunath

The jig is up. Laura Ingraham absolutely nailed it two nights ago while hosting “The O’Reilly Factor” with her cogent analysis of Mike Bloomberg’s hypocrisy on the issue of religious tolerance. There is an enormous ongoing liberal conspiracy to hand over the freedoms we cherish in this country to radical Islam. That’s why Bloomberg supports the right of the Muslims trying to build the Park 51 community center to do with their property what they please. Meanwhile he is against using his power as Mayor to forcefully order the private owner of the Empire State building to …

Rush Limbaugh: Oil Spill Caused By ‘Radical Mayans’ (Satire)

By William K. Wolfrum

On his radio show today, political entertainer Rush Limbaugh accused a cadre of “Radical Mayans” of sabotaging the British Petroleum oil rig that exploded on April 20.

I want to get back to the timing of the blowing up, the explosion out there in the Gulf of Mexico of this oil rig. Since they’re sending SWAT teams down there now this changes the whole perspective of this. Now, lest we forget, ladies and gentlemen, the Mayans long ago prophesied that the world would end in 2012. I remember that.

This prediction was strongly criticized

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Tea Party Attempts To Stop Gulf Oil Spill By Shouting Slogans At It (Satire)

By William K. Wolfrum

LOUISIANA – Emboldened by their protests against the United States government, several Tea Party organizations made their way to Louisiana this morning in an effort to stop the massive Gulf oil spill by shouting slogans at it.

“Don’t Tread on me!” shouted one protester near the marshlands along Louisiana’s southern coast.

“GET A BRAIN! MORANS,” read one sign.

According to estimates, between 150 and 35,000 Tea Partiers showed up for the event, as the corporate grassroots movement attempted to show they could rally to help America in any emergency. Tea Party leader Mark Williams said …

Can’t We Just Get Rid of Arizona? (Satire)

by William K. Wolfrum

A while back, I proposed that the U.S. should trade Texas to Mexico for Cancun and golfer Lorena Ochoa. It seemed like a fair deal in theory, until Ochoa abruptly retired from golf, rendering the deal un-doable.

In the end, it was for the best. Texas is a pretty weird place, and all, but Texans do have a stunning tendency toward friendliness. The U.S. can make do with them.

Thus, the plan has changed. Now it is time for the U.S, to get rid of Arizona. With its recent decisions to racially profile the …

Only Chuck Norris Can Make SCOTUS Less Liberal (Satire)

by William K. Wolfrum

When Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman recently stated that President Barack Obama needed to nominate a more conservative justice to fill the vacancy created by the resignation of Justice John Paul Stevens, many liberals blanched. After all, the U.S. Supreme Court already is tilted to the right with Chief Justice John Roberts and Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, and Samuel Alito  consistently taking a hard-line conservative approach to cases. Nonetheless, Lieberman sees the Supreme Court as a haven for liberals.

“This is a fascinating moment maybe for all these reasons, acknowledging that the fact that Justice Stevens …

Smoking Cuban Cigar Lit With RNC Donor Check, Michael Steele Admits Mistakes (Satire)

by William K. Wolfrum

Republican National Committee chair Michael Steele closed the Southern Republican Leadership Conference with a speech that he hoped would help him mute recent criticisms of his leadership, as well as calls for his resignation.

“In life, you realize very quickly that can’t please everyone, but you can certainly make them all mad at you at the same time,” said Steele, who arrived at the event in the RNC’s new GulfstreamG550 private aircraft. Steele said he’s “the first to admit that I’ve made mistakes.”

Steele did not specifically address his organization’s scandals, but did say they …